Being left is worse than leaving.

In the five years that I have been at university my parents have only visited on about 3 occasions. This isn't because they don't love me, it's just easier for me to get the train home. There is no real need for them to visit when I go home every 3-4 weeks. However this month my Dad has come to visit 2 times in 2 weeks...why you my ask? Well because I bought the most expensive thing I have ever purchased. I would love to say an exquisite handbag from Selfridges, but instead it is something much more functional. A car.

I want to say I love it. But as of yet, we are on a love/hate relationship. I love to look at it but I don't like driving it. The responsibility of driving myself to and from work fills me with fear. I am so used to walking and hopping on buses and dreaming my life away by reading a book to fill the time of public transport that I don't think I full appreciated the concentration and stress that is involved in driving.

Driving Challenge - Made it to Pets at Home
 and purchased a plant and a  hideous ornament!

I had what we call in my family a 'wobbly' on Friday night, which involved ringing my parents and crying down the phone. 'Mum...I feel like I have post natal depression....I look at the car like its my baby...but I just don't love it.'. Even with their best efforts, I still wasn't happy with getting in the car, and so my Dad made a second visit today to help me beat the nerves and boost my confidence. 

We did a practice run of getting to my work and we survived in one piece....with only 1 hair raising moment of my Dad screeching BREAK in a similar pitch to that of Aled Jones. In my mind this is an achievement. The car is back on my drive, ready to be driven to work tomorrow. So fingers crossed. I hope that my perseverance will pay off and that soon I will start to love my baby. 

Having said this, I still don't have a name for him. It is definitely a male car. My sisters car is called Brian and she was pretty quick with her choice. I am still deliberating, and I hope that when I start to love him more, that a name will appear and seem right. As of yet I am thinking he is a Kirkie. Or possibly a Bertie...but only time will tell. 

Other news....

I passed Finals. Hurrah!

Celebratory Puzzle. Her Royal Highness.

University has eased up slightly, and for the first time I am struggling to find things to fill my time. My house mate and I are working our way through a large selection of DVDs.

So far we have watched 

Magic Mike - no story line, but 2 hours of Channing Tatum. 2 hours well spent. 

The Shawshank Redemption - Lots of shocking moments, but I now feel 'cultured' to say that I have watched it. 

21 Jump Street- another 2 hours of Channing Tatum. Another 2 hours well spent. 

Shutter Island - Wow. Can anyone name a film with Leonardo Dicaprio that isn't amazing? Cause I cant...this Psychological Thriller was a mind messer and made me question psychiatric illness from the patients point of view. 

The Hunger Games. Great again. This is about a young girl who is forced into the Hunger games , a trial where 24 children compete to the death. Sounds awful, but it is good.  I enjoyed it so much that I then went and bought the books. The Works is currently doing a really good deal where you can buy all 3 books for 7.99. Bargain! 

DVD Challenge - maybe forgetting Hollyoaks Workout!

Valentines Day...Better than last years. Last year I received unwanted roses. This year, there were no gifts or cards...but I happily skived an afternoon off uni, and spent my time in M&S cafe which looks over the city eating a cream tea and reading my book, with the sun breathing on to my back warming me up. Sad act you may say. But I loved every minute of it.

Valentine's Day 2013.

Which brings me to the title of this post...'Being left is worse than leaving'. Today and last week I saw my Dad off at the station , giving him a hug and waving goodbye as the train pulled out. I waited and waited until I couldn't see the train any more in the distance and both times I ended up crying. I also cried when my sister and two friends came up to see me and I had to say goodbye. I am not sure why, but when you leave someone, you don't feel as sad. You have a purpose of the travelling to get home, or the happy thoughts of the time you have spent together. When you are left, all you have is being left in an empty home and everything seems a lot more quiet.  And I suppose the same goes for relationships. Although all breaks up are hard, is it easier to break up with someone than to be broken up with? Who knows. All I know is that my Dad once told me that 'No one likes to be the last one dancing at the party', which I suppose can be related to all parts of life. It is important to judge and realise the right time to move on , even though sticking with the things you know can be safe and comforting. I hate to say it but I think change can be a good thing.

Bye Bye.

Procrastination vs. Freedom

The last 3 months have been nothing but hard work, it has been  re-re-revision of topics I have learnt over the last 5 years. Never did I think that the day of finals would finally arrive, and when it did, I was bloody scared! As many of you are probably aware from the days of school, revision is DULL. Looking over work that you kind of already know, but maybe not as well as you should is just boring.  

Since the beginning of December the hard work really started, and with my finals being a mixture of practical and written exams it was hard to balance out revision to really feel well prepared. Luckily I have friends on my course and morale was kept high by endless cups of tea and biscuits and lets not forget the yearly purchase of new coloured pens to make 'pretty' revision notes. 

Revision - I hope I never have to do this again. Well at least not for a little while. 

'Putting off or delaying or deferring an action to a later time'. Does this sound familiar? Well this is the definition of procrastination. Something I have become a master at. For some unknown reason, whenever I have exams I feel the need to put my life on hold. No enjoyment. Not even a 3 hour trip to the cinema. NO. I - MUST - REVISE. However, if I am to closely scrutinise my revision days, half of it is spent procrastinating! Here is a list of my favourite procrastination activities....

1. Showering. 
During revision time, a shower becomes a revision break. What normally should take 10 mins or 20 mins if you have to shave your legs becomes an hour long activity! Ooh check out this fancy new shower gel. Or, lets dry my hair today really thoroughly by sectioning it off into 1 inch pieces!

2. Internet shopping.
I said this year because of final stress, that I wouldn't be able to go enjoy the sale shopping. So instead I have ventured into internet shopping. What could have been an afternoon out in the fresh air shopping, actually turned into probably 8 hours of scouring websites, and spending too much on postage! I have purchased a new work handbag, a fishtank and a dress from asos, which was awful and has been sent back. 

Happy Fish - Fatty and Pumpkin.

3. YouTube. 
I'll just spend 10 mins watching the ShayTards. Oh wait, and hour and a half has gone by and I have found myself watching videos of how to create fishtail plaits. FML.

YouTube: Great source of entertainment, but such a time waster. 

4. Blogging. 
Ha. Although I am enjoying it. This was definitely a 'putting off and deferring action' so I didn't have to learn the Cranial Nerves.

5. Cleaning and organising. 
Yep. Spent 20 mins organising my sock draw and saucepan cupboard. I also contemplated organising my wardrobe in colour order. I resisted. 

 Great Escape - tidying. 

6. Food Shopping. 
Daily walks to Sainsbury's to try maintain my sanity. 

This is brain food right?

7. Eating. 
I have put on 1 stone of weight, due to comfort and revision eating. It is already a bad time being post Christmas but this extra weight is not helping by self esteem.

8.Daily Mail Online. 
Yep, I am not embarrassed to declare my love for Daily Mail. I enjoy reading about Helen Flanagan's new shoes and controversial photos. And of course Liz Jones' articles are always a weekly source of amusement.

9. Facebook.
Think we are all suckers for Facebook. Facebook is not good for your psyche!

10. Daydreaming about how I want to spend my freedom. 

Freedom: The power or right to act , speak,  or think
as one wants without hindrance or restraint.

So, you may ask, how is Freedom? Well. Just as BORING! ahah. I am two days post exams, and I have no idea what to do with myself. I had all these great plans, I wanted to shop, party, see friends, learn to ballroom dance, climb up Snowdon, read the new book by JK Rowling, watch Les Miserables  bake, go to London for the day, travel to Paris, buy new makeup, go real sale shopping, watch Homeland series....the list goes on. But now I am here. I don't want to do anything. Why is life so cruel?! 

Even the thought of making lunch, makes me go ugh do I have to. It seems when you are stressed, you are able to get a lot done in one day, but when you have nothing to do, you put things off, and you find the days are wasted. Having said that I have enjoyed a post finals night out which was great fun, and I also watched Les Miserables. On a side note, what a LONG film - it probably wasn't the best of ideas going to see it hungover. I feel only Titanic should be 2 and half hours long. 

Forgetting how to relax....

I think what I have learnt, is that relaxation is key in all parts of life. Knowing how to wind down after a hard days work is extremely important. We all have our own ways of relaxing whether it be to take a bath, have a glass of wine, see friends and family, enjoying our hobbies. Or it may even be more simple such as putting on the telly to watch mindless programmes like Take Me Out. The anti climax of finishing finals, has made made me realise that you need to relax first, so that you have the get up and go to do the things that you really want to. So, tonight I am not going to set an alarm. I am going to wake up when by body clock tells me, I may watch Sunday Kitchen, and then if I want, I may make a snowman. I am not going to make a To Do list, I am just going to see where the day takes me, and ignore that underlying guilt of 'I should be doing this...' and am going to be happy with the choices I have made. 

And on that note. Goodnight.  

Buche de Noel

This was the first Christmas without my sister. Whilst she spent time with her fiancée at his families house, my parents and I spent it with my Grandad. I must admit it was slightly strange. I forgot how much I relied on my sister to entertain me on Christmas mornings, before present openings or cooking preparations  Luckily, we had the beach near by to go look at, although our favourite tea shop was closed! Who would have thought!! I did get to have a celebratory diet coke at a local pub, so not all was lost.

Christmas Waves

I think my sister found it odd as well, seeing other families Christmas traditions. Our traditions include chocolate coins, and a bottle of Matey from Father Christmas. A trifle for those who don't like Christmas pudding and the angel is ALWAYS the last thing to decorate the tree with. Ohh...and there is usually a pint of bread sauce! 

And if at home we will normally go for a walk in one of our favourite places during the daytime and then when we arrive home its all hands to the deck to help mum make dinner. One thing I love when you meet other families out on Christmas day is that everyone smiles and wishes each other a Merry Christmas. There's also a certain silence in the air. On boxing day however everything is back to normal again. Heads down, people going about their jobs, no 'Merry Boxing Day'. It such a shame it's only one day of the year! 

So. This year we decided to have two Christmases! Yes! That means two Christmas dinners, two lots of pulling crackers and two lots of 'Oh my goodness, I can't move, I have eaten too much. Diet. Starts. Tomorrow!'. It also meant consuming nearly 2 pints of bread sauce! Oh dear. 

As an avid follower of Mary Berry (and may I add, this love was way before British Bake off Days!), I decided to test out her Christmas Yule Log recipe, aka Buche de Noel.

Hi Mary. 

Here is her recipe....http://www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/yule_log_15656

So you ask, how did it turn out? Well, better than expected. Mary Berry recipes are always the best. Simple and to the point.

The Buche. 

Here are a few photos of the making of the Buche....

Step 1: Rolling
 Mary said to dust with icing sugar. I think I made a snow storm!

Step 2: The Ganache. 
Thank goodness I was able to cover up the above mess with all of this yummy yummy chocolate!

Step 3:  Finishing the article.
Can we eat it yet!

Here are a few of my tips if you fancy this recipe. 

The Cake Mixture

* When whisking the eggs and sugar do it to a point where the mixture leaves a permanent trail when you hold it up. I think this is what they call soft peaks, but I'm not sure!

A Tight Roll

* Take it out exactly at 8-10 mins. If you leave it any longer the cake will dry out, and it won't roll as well, and you may get cracks. 

*You need 4 hands to roll! (You'll need a friend because I am not sure if using your feet will work!)

* Don't keep checking it when its cooling. I was so proud I kept going up to it and prodding it. I think it's probably best to just leave it and let it cool, so that you don't provoke it into cracking or falling apart. I was too tempted though!

The Ganache

* Depending on your taste, maybe half dark half milk chocolate. To sweeten you could add icing sugar and vanilla essence.

*Also Mary's recipe makes ALOT of ganache. I did 2/3rds what she said, and I still had plenty to lick the bowl with. 

Finishing Off

* Don't leave it in the fridge if you don't have to. I did and it dried out, but then I left it out for the next day, and it was much tastier!

And does a Buche de Noel just have to be for Christmas...I hope not.  I think you could happily make this in the summer, and somehow incorporate summer fruits in the inside of the roll. Or perhaps flavour the cream. You could also decorate the outside with summer fruits or make a fruit coulée. A Buche de Noel should be renamed A Buche de Annuel! (Bad Joke!) 

Anyway, the dessert went down very well.  I thoroughly enjoyed making the Buche. It was challenging but not impossible. Another classic from Mrs Berry. 

Thanks Mary! 

Goodbye to 2012.

I must admit this has been a very good year maybe even a great year!

The year of being 21 turning 22. I once remember asking my sister what her favourite age was, and she specifically recalled 21...and I think I will say the same but maybe more so to being 21 and 12 months!

January - The Engagement

2012 started off with the celebrations of my sister and her boyfriends engagement. I will apologise to them both now for not congratulating them as I should have. Seeing my sister so happy and excited to start a new chapter, made me sad because it felt like an end of an era. Looking back and looking now at their relationship, I see that they are very well suited for each other and very much in love. They bring out each others best qualities, and I am now looking forward to a new era. When will we hear the little pitter patter of footprints?! I predict 2014!!

January : The Ring. 

February - The Break Up

Unfortunately February 2012 saw the break up of my sister and her fiance.....just kidding. No, No. It was the break up on my part. University romances. What do you think of them? Destined for great things, or disaster? I will let you decide!

March - Friendships

After breaking up, what do you do? Being lonely vs Make new friends? Or put more effort into old friendships which were forgotten in the mist of being in a relationship.  All I can say is Thank You.

April - Bolton

Six whole weeks in Bolton, with no internet and BOILING hot water. How would you cope? Well, eating Easter eggs, and revising for exams! Oh, and falling in love with Steve Tyler on American Idol.

April: Something vaguely attractive....best not to ask!

May - Twenty Two Years old. 

May birthdays are always spent in the library revising for yet more exams.  But always celebrated with a post exams party. Was good fun, and saw the end to Year 4 of University.

June - Sofa Days

A bit of a break from the usual university chaos spent most of my time sitting on the sofa doing what normal students do. Which is....not much! How can you make a dinner from super noodles, yoghurt and cheese? Well, quite easily - put it all in a pan.

June: Real Students - spent 3 days watching Call the Midwife. What fun!

July - Third Time Lucky. 

Passed driving test. Thank goodness for that! 3 minors baby.

August - Sun, Sea and Aqualand. 

Holiday to Portugal with sister and two girlies. What fun we had dropping emotions into the ocean and watching the portuguese version of the Olympics. Well done Team GB. You did just great!

August: Enjoying a beverage in the Algave.

September - Year 5

Oldest kids in the school. Year 5 - supposed to know it all. But do we? I've become good at acting intelligent but secretly all I am thinking about is Strictly and baking cakes!

October - Work, Work, Work and a little fun. 

'With finals looming....', 'It is important to know for finals....' 'Have you started revising yet?'

Oh my goodness. The hype of finals. Please....lets talk about what you had for dinner last night, or if you saw EastEnders, or tell me what colour socks you are wearing. Just something more lighthearted purlease!

October: A little fun....Neil Armstrong inspired cocktails. RIP Neil.

November - Blackburn

How to do you cope in Blackburn for EIGHT week with no internet and warm water? Well, you find the local tax avoiding Starbucks with free wifi, and become regulars, making one cup of tea last 4 hours. Blackburn you were good fun, but eight weeks is quite enough thank you.

December - Christmas Finals

First Christmas without my sister. Second Christmas without a stocking. Third Christmas playing carols with the Salvation Army. And hopefully the last Christmas having to revise for exams!

December: 'It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas'

December: Seaside Christmas

Oh, and did I say that the WHOLE of 2012, has been to organise a wedding to beat Prince William and Princess Catherine. That's rights, there is going to be fanfares, speeches galore and of course a lotta lotta cake. Excited is an understatement. Which reminds me I need to put in my order for personalised velour tracksuits...Bride To Be...Maid of Honour.

Whatever William and Kate can do....we can (attempt) to do better! 

Final note....

Some say when you are young you are care free. I can't be too care free as I have a responsibility to keep my two goldfish alive.  However 2012 has been a year where I have gained a true appreciation for the things that really matter. I hope I haven't taken for granted those around me that continue to support and care for me. Similarly although I wish I would happily fit into a Size 12 jeans and that I could run a mile without breaking into a sweat... this is probably the best its going to get!

Thank you 2012.