Being left is worse than leaving.

In the five years that I have been at university my parents have only visited on about 3 occasions. This isn't because they don't love me, it's just easier for me to get the train home. There is no real need for them to visit when I go home every 3-4 weeks. However this month my Dad has come to visit 2 times in 2 weeks...why you my ask? Well because I bought the most expensive thing I have ever purchased. I would love to say an exquisite handbag from Selfridges, but instead it is something much more functional. A car.

I want to say I love it. But as of yet, we are on a love/hate relationship. I love to look at it but I don't like driving it. The responsibility of driving myself to and from work fills me with fear. I am so used to walking and hopping on buses and dreaming my life away by reading a book to fill the time of public transport that I don't think I full appreciated the concentration and stress that is involved in driving.

Driving Challenge - Made it to Pets at Home
 and purchased a plant and a  hideous ornament!

I had what we call in my family a 'wobbly' on Friday night, which involved ringing my parents and crying down the phone. 'Mum...I feel like I have post natal depression....I look at the car like its my baby...but I just don't love it.'. Even with their best efforts, I still wasn't happy with getting in the car, and so my Dad made a second visit today to help me beat the nerves and boost my confidence. 

We did a practice run of getting to my work and we survived in one piece....with only 1 hair raising moment of my Dad screeching BREAK in a similar pitch to that of Aled Jones. In my mind this is an achievement. The car is back on my drive, ready to be driven to work tomorrow. So fingers crossed. I hope that my perseverance will pay off and that soon I will start to love my baby. 

Having said this, I still don't have a name for him. It is definitely a male car. My sisters car is called Brian and she was pretty quick with her choice. I am still deliberating, and I hope that when I start to love him more, that a name will appear and seem right. As of yet I am thinking he is a Kirkie. Or possibly a Bertie...but only time will tell. 

Other news....

I passed Finals. Hurrah!

Celebratory Puzzle. Her Royal Highness.

University has eased up slightly, and for the first time I am struggling to find things to fill my time. My house mate and I are working our way through a large selection of DVDs.

So far we have watched 

Magic Mike - no story line, but 2 hours of Channing Tatum. 2 hours well spent. 

The Shawshank Redemption - Lots of shocking moments, but I now feel 'cultured' to say that I have watched it. 

21 Jump Street- another 2 hours of Channing Tatum. Another 2 hours well spent. 

Shutter Island - Wow. Can anyone name a film with Leonardo Dicaprio that isn't amazing? Cause I cant...this Psychological Thriller was a mind messer and made me question psychiatric illness from the patients point of view. 

The Hunger Games. Great again. This is about a young girl who is forced into the Hunger games , a trial where 24 children compete to the death. Sounds awful, but it is good.  I enjoyed it so much that I then went and bought the books. The Works is currently doing a really good deal where you can buy all 3 books for 7.99. Bargain! 

DVD Challenge - maybe forgetting Hollyoaks Workout!

Valentines Day...Better than last years. Last year I received unwanted roses. This year, there were no gifts or cards...but I happily skived an afternoon off uni, and spent my time in M&S cafe which looks over the city eating a cream tea and reading my book, with the sun breathing on to my back warming me up. Sad act you may say. But I loved every minute of it.

Valentine's Day 2013.

Which brings me to the title of this post...'Being left is worse than leaving'. Today and last week I saw my Dad off at the station , giving him a hug and waving goodbye as the train pulled out. I waited and waited until I couldn't see the train any more in the distance and both times I ended up crying. I also cried when my sister and two friends came up to see me and I had to say goodbye. I am not sure why, but when you leave someone, you don't feel as sad. You have a purpose of the travelling to get home, or the happy thoughts of the time you have spent together. When you are left, all you have is being left in an empty home and everything seems a lot more quiet.  And I suppose the same goes for relationships. Although all breaks up are hard, is it easier to break up with someone than to be broken up with? Who knows. All I know is that my Dad once told me that 'No one likes to be the last one dancing at the party', which I suppose can be related to all parts of life. It is important to judge and realise the right time to move on , even though sticking with the things you know can be safe and comforting. I hate to say it but I think change can be a good thing.

Bye Bye.